I’d like to thank all those who’ve commented on my previous post regarding labels. Despite what my therapist said it was confirmed my diagnosis as AN. However, I felt that arguing semantics with my therapist would only waste time otherwise spent on therapeutic issues. And really, does it even matter? When she reviewed our previous appointment, it wasn’t mentioned – good.
She gave me an exercise to do: I’m to keep a running log that I can carry with me. She wants me to find one thing after each appointment (therapy, nutritionist, and iOP groups) that help me toward healing. She said this will help me come back from slipping; help me begin to take responsibility for my behavior and recovery.
I started the log with my appointment with her. I realized, after talking about my week/weeks, how far I’ve slipped. Honestly it scared me. I told her flat out I don’t want to go back into a treatment program. The only way to avoid that is for me to get off my butt and make an effort. I hadn’t realized I sunk down to the apathetic level. I gave her thoughts of why this happened but she said her observation is that behavior keeps everything calm in my life. Yeah, that seems right. Only, the problem is after awhile it will put me in a position of ruining everything because I’ll end up on the couch unable to participate in life.
When I got home I ate. I then ate a little something every hour for awhile. I sat on the couch crocheting so the nutrition could get into me. Last night I had a mishap but I think I’ve happened upon a way I can do this. I listed all the food I need to eat according to my meal prescription and then checked off items as I ate them.
Today is iOP and I’ll be meeting with my nutritionist. I’m very nervous, I fear he’ll force the issue. My therapist had said that if she were in iOP she would have thrown me back into treatment a long time ago – yikes. My nutritionist is a bit more forgiving.
I had a protein drink this morning and will put forth an effort to eat when I get home from the two appointments I’m currently at.
Wish me luck!