I just watched the To The Bone movie. Here is my advice if you have an ED whether struggling, in recovery, anything:
DONT WATCH IT
Omg, it was so triggering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After 5 minutes I knew I should have deleted it but did I? No!
What do I want to do now? 10,000 sit-ups! Ugh
I just had a huge argument with my therapist this last week about labels and definitions of EDs, etc. I’ve been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa by two different treatment teams but she said “you’re not anorexic”. Why? Because I’m no longer weight restored? She also said I was bulimic. What? So I looked up the diagnostic criteria for everything. I fit exactly zero for bulimia, 100% for atypical anorexia (because I’m weight restored) and purging disorder which is purging without binging although it’s secondary since I just restrict and exercise. I dont even use laxatives, diet pills, anything. So I asked her if I even had an eating disorder?!!!!
Maybe this has all been a figment of my imagination! Oh wait, when I went into treatment it was because I had, hmmm, lost too much weight and yeah, was severely malnutritioned but no, I’m not anorexic.
What the hell am I???
Well, I guess I’m not because I’m not thin enough. I don’t have extra hair growing all over me. Watching this movie rammed that fact home. Nope, I clearly don’t have an eating disorder. I’m a moron. I must have everyone fooled because they are letting me to go an eating disorder iOP. My taking an hour to eat dinner yesterday must have just been my trying to get attention… because, you know, staying after was my goal making the two hour drive home even later, right???
Tomorrow I’m going to the ranch from 8am to 5 or 6pm. Yeah, got my cooler out to bring food but now? Well, if I don’t have an eating disorder than not eating all day is no big deal, right? The staff there don’t eat so why should I? I’ll have breakfast then have something when I get home, just like them. If it’s normal for them then it’s fine for me.
Also, if I don’t have an eating disorder then I can go back to exercising, right? After all, all the stats say exercise is the best thing for chronic pain. I’ll just disregard the fact that a part of my chronic pain is from, you know, exercising.
We’ll all be happy and everyone can go home.
Oh crap, this is an eating disorder blog. I guess I’ll have to start blogging about tulips and puppies or something.
I must be a mental case… delusional. 33 years of having an ED, oops, must have made it all up.