OMG – Pain! Yeah so I was volunteering at the ranch yesterday but was having a supremely horrible emotional day, despite my happy face when in public, so just wanted to stay there and work as long as possible. I stayed from 8am to 1pm. I figured physical pain would feel better than the emotional pain, right? Wrong! I did a lot and yeppers, didn’t realize how much extra until maybe 4 hours after I got home. I was playing cards with the ladies and started feeling the pain in my lower back/left hip area. It was manageable but slowly increasing. Fortunately we stopped playing before it got incapacitating.
I got home and when I tried sitting on the couch – holy crap!!!! It took a bit of time to ease in to the sitting position but I did. The pain kept increasing no matter what but coloring and TV helped. I took acetaminophen but it never kicked in.
Bed time – so much pain – I tried a heating pad but that made it exponentially worse. I don’t use cold packs because that usually causes more pain too. I actually wondered if I ought to go to the emergency room. At this point it was throbbing stabbing pains in my hip (even though it’s actually my lower back). Anyone else would probably have been hollering but with my loads of pain experience I simply laid there trying to figure out what to do. I had some lidocaine gel for something else so I rubbed that on in hopes it might mute it a little but it didn’t seem to make a difference at first. It must have tamed it a tiny bit because eventually I did fall asleep (after 2 hours). I decided that if it was as severe in the morning, then I’d seek help.
This morning. I can move around (meaning get coffee) which is always a good thing. I still have pain that feels like a butcher knife in my hip so mobility isn’t all that great but it doesn’t warrant a trip to the ER which honestly would be a, um, pain in my ass… hahaha (can still pun so I guess it’s not all that bad). I know it will progressively get worse today but I can deal with it. How do I know? Experience. Last night I was fearing it was a spinal compression fracture, which happens with osteoporosis, but even though it is still very painful this morning, it isn’t as acute so I’m assuming it isn’t a fracture. I’m going for a massage tomorrow too.
The thing is, I did a lot of extra things at the ranch so I don’t know which caused it. I think it was when I took the tack off one of the horses. Next week I’ll muck stalls and everything else and not handle tack, and then see. If I’m in excruciating pain next week then I’ll know it wasn’t the tack. Dealing with pain is always a long term experiment, isn’t it? Ugh.
I did figure out this isn’t a spasm. In the past, when I had spasms, they went away. This is not going away. This is not an unfamiliar pain by the way. It happens with movements, the wrong movements. I’ve yet to figure out exactly what those movements are though. It’s hard to isolate a movement so we are always freaking moving!
The upside is all that other crapola in my head is muted. There is nothing like pain to simplify everything. I’m not talking bruise or headache, I’m talking debilitating pain.
Having said all this, I started writing this post maybe 2 hours ago. Write, get coffee, write, do dishes, write have breakfast… that’s me. My pain, as mentioned, is getting worse. I realize now that all the fear of a compression fracture was wasted since the pain isn’t located on my spine, per se. That’s a relief. I’m going back to the ranch today to help with a group that is coming in. It’ll be different because I’ll mostly be standing there helping people with how to groom, and pulling horses out for people to walk. No labor. I’m suspecting I’ll be in less pain standing up.
Eating Disorder Update
I’m supposed to add food when I go to the ranch: an additional bread and lipid. I managed that yesterday but last evening I ended up binging on peanut butter.Â Binge = 3 Tbsp or so, just for clarification.Â I was in such extreme pain I feel ashamed that I turned to food for comfort. I’m betraying my anorexic rules… grrrr. I ended up purging. I’m back on track today but less motivated honestly. My weight has not budged. It has been dead level since I got my scale. It fluctuates by 0.1 only. That doesn’t help. I haven’t told my nutritionist. If I see no change in, say, a month, I’ll mention it.