I’ve thus far avoided posting pictures of myself. On my about page there is a thumbnail image of me from years ago when I was out of my mind manic but it isn’t me now.
When I was 11 or 12 my mom had me start wearing a full makeup regimen, foundation and all. This was a very clear message that I was ugly and needed all the help I could get. I was never seen without makeup for years. Eventually, 2 decades later, stop wearing it altogether figuring there wasn’t much help for me anyway. Her mantra to me growing up was, “You must be thin and beautiful in order to be successful.” Well, clearly I lacked in the looks department so I went for being thin. It wasn’t a conscious thing at that point. I can’t really pinpoint the moment I took action to lose weight. I felt fat since I was a little girl, maybe I always felt fat. Like mom like daughter.
I do remember the moment that started obsessive exercising and it had nothing to do with weight. I did write about it ages ago but it might warrant an updated post.
So here I am, no longer young, no longer fit, no longer thin. The funny thing about pictures is that I look so happy here. No one looking at it would even remotely think I have the problems I do. This is why I never make a judgement or even a guess how someone is doing bars on their Facebook or other social media page.
Oh, by the way, this is at the ranch where I volunteer. They have this mammoth cat called Big Boy.
And here I am right after I buzzed cut my hair. I just had to at least once in my life, lol. I never realize how aged I look till I see a picture. I feel 20 years younger (in my head at least). My body feels 20 years older! 😳😛
Last picture. This was 2 days before I got discharged from the eating disorder program. I’m hugging one of the staff who was at the residence where we lived (outside of program time.)