Good morning my friends. I slept in till 430am if you can believe it. However, the side effect of that is pain, lots of pain. It seems that anything beyond 5 to 5 ½ hrs of sleep exacerbates my chronic pain. I wonder if it is because the effect of the meloxicam (ibuprofen that targets arthritis) and acetaminophen that I take at night wears off, hmmmm. Maybe I shouldn’t go to the insomnia clinic after all. As mentioned in previous posts I still suffer from chronic insomnia. All these chronic illnesses. I wonder if there is a record for the most chronic illnesses in one person, lol. No worries, they are nothing I can’t handle. 🙂 I do nearly everything one is supposed to do for proper sleep. I’m sure the doctor will find something to nitpick though, they always do. My appointment isn’t until the end of May. I go periodically to see if they’ve gotten new solutions or techniques. Thus far, none. They’ll blame it on my bipolar, or something else as usual and maybe that is the case although my mania has been reduced to non-existent. Speaking of…
I was taking 200mg of lamotrogine and 1 mg of an anti-psychotic, stelazine. It’s an old version so doesn’t cause weight gain except in high doses, thank god!!! Mania was becoming quite problematic so I increased the stelazine, adding a ½ mg in the morning but still, my mood fluctuations were difficult to deal with. When I say they were difficult I also mean they are difficult for those around me. The doctor in the program suggested adding Tegretol which I fought for a couple of weeks. I tried it in the past with significant cognitive disfunction. I finally gave it a try and yeppers, problems. I felt drugged the next morning and had to sleep during yoga class. I was then put on extended release which was a vast improvement! I increased every week till I could take a blood level. She explained that despite my level being good, it breaks down as it is being added, so I increasd again to help it level out. I’m currently at 400mg, as of discharge. However, the last week of treatment I was very depressed. The doctor said that tegretol causes lamotrogine to be less effective so I increased that to 250mg and felt better. After a few days I’m starting to feel a little depressed again so may need a wee bit more.
I see my psychiatrist next Wednesday. When I had gotten to 300mg of the tegretol my continual fidgeting decreased significantly. I am, in fact, not fidgeting anymore these days except when very nervous or in a lot of pain. I’m going to ask if I can decrease the stelazine. I have had not even a hint of manic feelings in the last few weeks. Another relief! Finally a cocktail that works.
Anorexia recovery update
My hair fell out a lot when I increased the lamotrogine from 100 to 150 which is why I shaved the lower part of my hair. I simply didn’t want to see that much in the drain. Well, it turns out some of that hair loss was due to malnutrition. I can deny it all I want but it was effecting every part of my body. Even though my hair will probably never be as thick as it was, it’s feeling better – yay. I really ought to make a list of things that have improved, to motivate me to stay on this recovery path; I won’t, I never do. Even if I did, would I care? No.
Thursday and Friday I somehow miraculously followed my meal plan. This morning the urge to restrict is much stronger. What happened? Oh right, I decided to change up my schedule. The new schedule will be better but it’s the changing it part that is hard. I decided to go to a local coffee shop in the morning to do some writing and reading – to just get out of my place. My therapist said to set up a structured day to help me assimilate back into living outside a program setting. I’m working on it. Of course, this morning I’m going way out of my comfort zone…. There is a yearly gem and mineral show here at the fairgrounds. I haven’t gone in ages and really wanted to go this year, however, I completely forgot. A friend posted on facebook that it is this weekend! So here I am at the coffee shop writing, with my protein shake in the car to drink while I’m there, and plans to get home before lunch. I figured out that my outside activities will have to be in the morning because I have 3 hours in between meals. After lunch meals are every 2 hours.
I also had a strong, strong urge to go for a walk. Even with all the data in front of me I want to go for a walk. I did take a very long route to get to my car; a danger sign. I will be walking quite a bit at the rock show too… sigh. It’s so hard for me to think of these types of things as exercise but they are. Anytime I am going above and beyond normal daily living activities, it is stalling my healing progress. The thing is, I will do body comps before every appointment so it’s not like she won’t know! Significant back pain also is a motivating factor in walking. I hope I don’t continue on this path this weekend. I have to get it together!!! At least I’m eating what I’m supposed to.
I had my primary care appointment yesterday. My doctor hadn’t reviewed everything so she just checked me out and asked a few questions about the program, and if I’m better, which I am in many ways. She then called me in the afternoon after reviewing my bone density scan and seeing that I have severe osteoporosis. I’ve had bad side effects from fosamax, the best osteoporosis med for building up bone strength so she’s frustrated. She is making me an appointment with the pharmacist to discuss the extent of side effects of other meds. The thing is the good ones are all in the family that fosamax is. I’m at risk right now of compression fractures and who knows what else. They can happen simply when I stand up from sitting or picking something up. She ordered a few other tests, normal ones for my age, and a blood test in April.
I’ve been waiting to hear from Sol Stone on the Healing Connection and it turns out I was supposed to call them! They never told me that and here it is Saturday. I was so upset this morning. I called them and left a message but they won’t get it till Monday. Yay, another weekend, my riskiest time, alone.
I feel so stressed out. I’m always on the verge of tears. I feel lost and alone. I do have support from other people in the program and if things get out of hand I can call my therapist but still… I suppose it’s a natural feeling after living with 7-12 people for almost 7 weeks. Maybe I’m just lonely. In my situation there’s nothing I can do about that.
Okay, time to edit then post. I seem to make considerable mistakes in typing these days. Maybe it’s just the autocorrect, lol. Um yeah, I’ll go with that! 😛