4 weeks down, exercise addiction

Wow, I can’t believe over completed 4 weeks already. I also can’t believe I haven’t posted since feb 24th! So much has happened. For one thing my gut has pretty much healed as far as eating anything. I’m still lactose intolerant but can eat anything else. On fridays we did a lunch prep group where we prepare one meal for everyone, plus a dessert. Today was falafels, a girls request, who is discharging next Thursday. She asked me about a cookie recipe since they know I do cookies so my famous Cowboy Cookies were made. I did manage the prepared meal but only managed 1 bite of the cookie. However, the staff in charge was happy I at least tried. I’ve never had my Cowboy Cookies even though I’ve been making them for years. 

A new girl came in this past Monday saying she’s gluten free and has a nut allergy. I wonder if she’ll end up eating gluten too, hmmm.  One of the biggest influences here has been the nutritionist Bruce. His nutritional education groups have had a huge impact on me. A lot of it is explained in Carolyn’s book Measuring Health from the Inside Out. I ended up buying the book even though I can read it while here free of charge. It explains thoroughly how damaging everything I’ve been doing and why my blood tests still come out supposedly normal.  My body comps may take months to completely heal. 

Turns out I have osteoporosis in my spine making my body like that of an 80 year old. Bruce said my back can break for no reason. I don’t need to be exercising, it can happen when I’m just walking. They had another girl like me but with osteoporosis in her hips/legs too and her leg broke when she was walking from Hoffman House to the Center. That gave me pause. 

I have yet to have a weekend that I successfully complied. My entire goal this weekend is to simply not exercise and find alternative ways to release endorphins. After giving it much thought, talking with one of the other gals here that I connected with, and to Bruce, I’m thinking exercise is something I have to give up, like forever. All my life anytime I resumed exercise or tried something new I always end up amping it up. I can say that exercise is for health over and over but when I start, when I do even one leg lift, it’s about calories, body image, control and most of all an anxiety reliever. Daily activities will simply have to suffice. Unfortunately exercise is a primary method of managing both fibromyalgia and helping osteoporosis. I didn’t think I’d ever push it so far that I’d have to simply stop; take a break sure, but not stop forever. 

We get our body comps done everyday we go to the center so everything we do is reflected immediately. The exercise I did last weekend stalled my progress according to the comps. I just did leg lifts, crunches and such and that was enough. 

Interestingly I found out that I had it all wrong. When we are at rest, muscles burn fat. When we are exercising, muscles burn glucose. Exercising without adequate nutrition forces the body to burn muscle and store fat so that means restriction + exercise = muscle loss and higher percentage of fat. Wow. The body can look good on the outside and literally be dying inside. That was me. 

This place, Sol Stone, doesn’t even have me listed as weight gain. It’s just body comps stabilization. They are more interested in the health of the whole body then the number on the scale. Don’t get me wrong, they do weigh us too. At this point I don’t know how I’m going to not weigh myself when I do a weekend test run. If I do well this weekend I’ll go home next weekend after Saturday program. I feel okay so far. This morning the urge to exercise simply didn’t leave me but I stayed busy using the tools I’m learning. 

Sleep is still hit and miss and I’m exhausted as usual all the time. I added a med to my list which effects REM sleep so yay, even more tired. In fact, after posting this I’m getting a cup of coffee, lol. 

So I guess I’ll leave it at that. There’s so much to update but it would be easier from my computer. Glad I have this option though. I do want to update about the different therapy styles (ended up doing IFS) as well as other stuff but again, I’m so tired all the time. 

Okay, cheers for now…

4 thoughts on “4 weeks down, exercise addiction

  1. Sounds like this program has ended up being really helpful for you. I am really enjoying your updates and applaud you for all the hard (excruciatingly hard) recovery work you have been doing. Keep going. You can do this!

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