I am SO glad to be home. I finally got discharged Thursday morning. I won’t even go into that big chaotic mess – wow, what with not getting pain meds on time, etc… nope, said I wouldn’t go into it so I’ll stop. Here is the good thing for that morning – sadly the VA’s budget doesn’t allow for orderlies so there’s no one to push your wheelchair when you leave. Everyone knows that when you’re discharged from being inpatient, an orderly pushes you to the front door where whoever is giving you a ride can pick you up, right? Well, not at the VA – you walk out or get a friend to push you. My friends didn’t understand this so said they’d just be waiting outside. I was too aggravated to explain but the staff happened upon this young volunteer – Ellen (the good thing). She was adorable, friendly and a delight to be around. She must be in her first year at the university because she still loves volunteering even after 6 months!
I really couldn’t do all that walking, post surgery but was so aggravated I was going to do it anyway. So off we go, stopping by the pharmacy downstairs, then she waited with me to my friends showed up. Seriously, she should get a gold star!
I made it home and as soon as I got into my own flat and sat down the pain decreased by half. Isn’t that crazy? Maybe not. My furniture is comfortable and suited to me: 5 foot, 2 inch – too short for hospital furniture, muted lighting, no beeps, whistles and constant noise, no stress. My first thought, naturally was C O F F E E. I drank about 2 Tbsp and my stomach was like, “nope.” Sigh…………… Fortunately I didn’t get the caffeine headache this time, or maybe I was just too loaded up with tylenol.
Lilly came over and we chatted for several hours till I I was too tired to talk. I ended up going to sleep at 830pm – yikes! I knew I should force myself to stay awake since it meant getting up too early but I was completely wiped out. I was going to read in bed but as soon as I got in my body had other plans so out I went. Eventually I woke up and turned the light off too, lol. I got up a couple times in the night for pain management, etc. but went right back to sleep.
Next morning, Friday, I weighed myself and as expected I gained 6 lbs from fluids. It’s still never easy to see that number on the scale. I know I shouldn’t weigh myself after surgery but I always do. I was bloated all over, even my watch didn’t fit as normal. I drank lots of fluids and started peeing my brains out, yay! This morning it was down almost 2 lbs but would have been lower had I not ate chips and vegan dip last night for dinner. “Vegan dip,” you ask? Even though I’m eating meat, I still am dairy and gluten free so yeah. And vegan dip really means vegan sour cream since I’m still spice free too. It works. I get to pretend for a short period that I’m a normal person, lol. I HAVE to get back on track today with logging my food!!
OH MY GOD, THE SURGICAL SITE ITCHES!!!!!!
I was going to stay home and rest but I hadn’t been to a meeting since Tuesday so I went to a 10 am meeting. It was okay but after about 45 minutes all I wanted to do was crawl under the table and go to sleep. After that my buddy came to visit who I haven’t seen in months. He’s my (gay) Hubby; me being his Wifey. He’s such a joy. He updated me on the gossip and his boyfriends back surgery. I spoiled him with pumpkin spice cookies. I was so tired but it was worth the effort to stay awake.
By the way, I do pain management way better than the hospital so I’ve been more or less comfortable. I can’t twist, bend, lift, or stretch for 3 weeks. Try that for a day! Lilly is coming over 2xs a week to help me with stuff that requires those things. I can drive though but have to use my mirrors, obviously, for backing up.
I went to a meeting last night despite how uncomfortable I was. I was so tired and woozy I almost left early. However, there was a couple of new people there and I heard one long-timer (22 years sober) talk about just going to meetings and taking their time on the steps, etc. I had it after that and spoke up. The need to help others took over and off I went, “Meetings weren’t enough for me. I had to immerse myself in the program, do all the suggestions of getting a home group, sponsor AND working the steps as outlined in the big book. Until I addressed all the character defects, resentments, people I needed to make amends to, I stayed in that insanity. The spirituality came after I worked the steps as did the relief of the mental obsession! Living in 10, 11, 12 (maintenance steps) gives me an outline for living, for being a human being, for getting through the day. Maybe my life didn’t get better but I did; my perspective changed and I learned to like myself, learned to have friends and be a friend, learned to deal with daily difficulties.” The topic was on pride so before I said the the above statement I said, “I asked for help many times in the past from professional sources but it was always contingent on them telling me what I wanted to hear. I never asked actual people for help because if they said they would then that meant I was worth being helped. I needed to support the idea that I was a horrible person, a piece of shit because I hated myself so much. Through AA, I didn’t get myself better, my higher power did but I had to show up and do the work. It wasn’t easy but it was so worth it!”
Anyway, wow, where did that come from. At every meeting we read what is called How It Works, which outlines the program of recovery. In that it says, “we beg of you to be fearless and honest from the very start… (emphasis mine)” Not down the road, not next year but right off the bat. I found, in fact, that it was hard not to be honest. It’s one thing to hold back information or skew the facts when talking to a professional (re: anorexia – Oh, I don’t restrict that much… my weight is fine… I don’t feel that bad…; re: alcohol – I didn’t drink that much… I didn’t have negative circumstances, lies all) but it’s another thing to look my peers in the face, peers who’ve heard it all.
Okay, back to post surgery, day 3, Saturday
Woke up at 315am this morning because I went to bed at 9pm. I figured I could do a proper post finally. And yeah, I am drinking a full cup of coffee, best thing ever… just saying. I’m at about 8 hours between pain pills instead of 6, meaning my pain is lessoning. I’ll probably be down to just at night soon. People apparently get “high” from these, according to my therapist. I don’t. All they do is take the edge off the pain. I suppose since I’ve been taking meloxicam (nsaid) and tylenol on a daily basis, my body is used to stuff. It’s extraordinarily fortunate I can actually take these since I’m allergic to most pain meds.
Looking where they implanted the device, it really sticks out. I’m hoping that much of that is swollen but I suspect it will stick out permanently since the one thing that I have is a more or less flat stomach. I mean it used to be completely flat but once I was weight restored I have that annoying womanly curve that comes out. It’s normal but I’m used to flat or concave. No worries, feeling better is more important.
I’ll be going to a 10am meeting and an evening meeting. In between I’ll be continuing with binge watching The Big Bang Theory from the library. I’m on season 4 and will probably stop by the library to pick up season 5 later. I’m working on an afghan that another friend commissioned. And I’ll go for a walk. I walked yesterday, very slow, but it was a walk never the less. The device being in front allows me to hold it in place which is what I wanted. Eventually it will solidify in the area but this’ll due for now. I wish I could walk outside but it’s really cold and I’ve become a wimp, lol. Same plan tomorrow, and Monday, and Tuesday and so on. I have a follow up with urology on Wednesday, plus misc other appointments.
Basically, it’s all good…