In less than 12 hours I’ll be in surgery. I ran out of steam with anxiety and have just settled in for slight depression which happens when I’m under a lot of stress. Right at this moment I kind of feel like my “feeling meter” is broken. I’m kind of numb with what is about to happen. Actually I was okay till they called me the end of last week and said Stage 2 surgery would be delayed yet another week so I’ll be in a very difficult state for 3 weeks. Why was it put off? Well, my surgeon decided to go away for the holiday. Wow, really? So essentially she canceled my holiday in favor of hers. I’ve not celebrated the holidays in years and now that I have all these friends and a community of people where I live, I thought that maybe this year I could do something… wrong! However, maybe I’ll be okay to go to the community event.
I was going to describe what my day will be like tomorrow but honestly I’m so exhausted and in pain that I think I’m going to go to bed early. I have to be outside waiting for my friend at 545am to get to the hospital by 615.
I really had a lot to write the past couple of days but I had to stop certain meds to do the surgery and that has caused my life to be more difficult. Hopefully I can update in the next day or two. I’d like to log the surgery recovery and process. I think it would help to get it out of my head so I’m not so focused on it.
And yes, I voted… at about 630am. I’m not going to stay up to watch the results since I’ll be living with the results for the next 4 years.
Wish me luck…. or keep me in your thoughts if you have a moment tomorrow.