I did a walk-in to see my psychiatrist this morning. She trusts me to adjust my meds as needed. I’ve worked with her for 21 years. However, I have been cycling up and down quite a bit lately. I typically take a 1/2 antipsychotic if I’m floating too high or an additional 25 mg tablet of lamotrogine is I’m going downhill, as I was yesterday. The thing is, I woke up feeling ansy but teary eyed, meaning a mixed state, the one state I hate the most honestly. What do I do for that? Usually ride it out and avoid the general population.
My doctor said that if I take any extra meds I need to take that amount for a full week to properly level out, “Oh, didn’t know that.” Starting tonight I’ll take 1 1/2 mg of the antipsychotic and increase my lamotrogine to 175mg during the day. We’ll reassess at next weeks appointment. She said that once I level out I ought to be able to go back to my normal amount. One of the issues is I’m not on a mood stabalizer because I simply don’t tolerate them. Hopefully they’ll invent something new in the next few years. I stabalize my mood using the two meds I take.
She asked me how the zazenkai went. After talking for awhile she said that it sounds like it set off my mania. I was mentioning that I wonder if I ought to do it at all and reconsider sesshins altogether. The sangha also does a 1/2 day zazen intensive every month and she cautioned on that as well, especially because of the sheer exhaustion I experience from simply doing 3 rounds (90 minutes). She suggested 20 minutes to an hour a day only. Actually, I’d love to do that split up to 20 minutes morning, afternoon, and before bed.
She mentioned that lack of sleep, exhaustion, etc causes mania and that, in fact, back in the dark ages, sleep deprivation was used as a therapy for depression (successfully). Wow, who knew? It’s very interesting though, isn’t it?
I have therapy appointments today and tomorrow so I’ll have the rest of the week and weekend to experiment with the additional meds. I like to be clear minded in therapy. Not that I’m not clear minded on meds, I am. But I don’t want to risk further mood swings right now. Nothing gets done when that happens and I pay cash for these appointments.
These appointments are going to prove to be difficult anyway. We’ll possibly be doing EMDR. I also have an appointment this afternoon with my GI doctor – yay! He won’t have any answers but it makes me feel better to check in and have the hope that maybe a new approach will have been devlopped in the 3 months that I saw him.
My Fall re-organization is going well. Twice a year I like to clean out all the drawers, kitchen, desk, end tables, and so forth as needed for when they get out of control. That is seriously what they are now! It feels good to be on track and a clean organized environment effects my mood.