Sleeeeeep

I don’t know what happened but suddenly I’m not sleeping again. I mean I am sleeping but it’s taking me about 1 ½ hrs just to fall asleep. I used to fall asleep quite fast but then would wake up super early. So something new – yay. It has to be this ongoing fibro-flare. I was feeling better so assumed I was doing better. Then Monday….. wow. I had what I wanted to share at the meeting Monday night and something completely different came out my mouth. I lost what I was about to say and said pat answers which were irrelevant and unhelpful. Now I know, for future reference, that if my cognition suddenly takes a sideways turn, it means my fibro or other ailments is taking a down turn. Right after that my hands, then arms, then upper body went numb. The feeling slowly came back but with terrible chest pains and pain in my right arm. I found it hard to breath too and was trying not to pass out. How embarrassing. Hopefully no one noticed! I briefly thought it was a heart attack except I have a super healthy heart and symptoms are different for women. It wasn’t an anxiety attack although it did cause a bit of anxiety. I managed to stay to the end of the meeting. I got to my car and called Lilly since she has fibro friends and knows more medical stuff then I do. She reminded me I tried a new food that had a tiny bit of sugar in it, and that numbness happens with fibro.  Well, of all the foods I react to sugar is the worst. I forgot since its been so long or I wouldn’t have tried that food. I get severe pains shooting up and down my back and front. Problem solved. 

The next morning I went to my personal training session but did nothing else. No cardio, no anything. That also should have clued me in but it didn’t. Last night at zen practice, I barely made it through. It was like torture and I left without saying goodbye. So this morning I stayed home from the gym and after my dental appointment came home and spent the rest of the day on the couch until tonight’s meeting. I shouldn’t go to the gym for the rest of the week but I have to do something. Ugh, and this will never end. 

I shared at tonight’s meeting about asking for humility and find that my higher power is humbling me right where it hurts most – physicality. But that’s good. I’ve been trying to control my body for so many years and look how well that worked! I still have to eat even if I don’t exercise but it’s easy to fall back into the pattern of thinking that unless I exercise I can’t eat. Dangerous ground, that is. Lesson learned… again. 

Okay, time to attempt sleep. I’m so tired! 

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