Here is an experiment. I’m on the treadmill right now and thought I’d see if I could work on a post. I rather wish the font was bigger but you can’t have everything. This should keep me from exceeding a moderate pace plus help me catch up. Yesterday I was readin the big book (Alcoholics Anonymous, which we call the big book) while on the treadmill. Every time I read it I read something new and relevant. It’s more like a text book in that regard. Anyway, I’m reading it through replacing the word alcohol with anorexia and it fits perfectly interestingly enough. In fact, it’s a bit scary just how well it fits. I need to remember the seriousness of this disease. That’s what happens in recovery. I start feeling better, forget how bad it was, the. Head off down that destructive path again. Even though I’ve been doing that for 30+ years I can’t seem to learn that. Wait, that’s not true, I have learned that pattern, I just seem powerless to stop it. Maybe that is why this program works so well.
Another thing I’m doing is facing the responsibility of my financial situation. It’s not that I’m irresponsible but rather that I have to deal with manic breaks and therefore loads of debt. The other thing is paying for eating disorder treatment out of pocket. I had to pay part with my credit card but never really expected to recover so it was less important that I was getting further and further into debt. Well, now I’m recovering and expecting to live longer than I would when I was still sick!
What to do? Everyone talks about credit counseling and so forth but I don’t need that. I know how to get out of debt, I merely need to start on that. I’ve done it before. It requires determination and patience, both of which I have with finances. Zack wants me to do a financial inventory. That’s actually a really good idea. He suggested it last week sometime. Guess how much I e gotten done? Yeah, okay… I’ll put that on today’s list of things to do.
Not bad, -4 minutes on the treadmill so far.
I did not want to come to the gym this morning. It gets harder and hard r but I made it and feel better for doing it. Working out = pain which is a deterrent but also working out = mobility. After taking 4 days off, yesterday’s gym workout was amazing. I felt so much stronger and motivated. I have to rethink days off. Maybe Friday – Sunday instead of just the weekend, for weights at any rate. Maybe just Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and frizzy for cardio. Ahh, look at me not focusing on today!
- Meditation, mindful eating exercise
- Relax, maybe some reading
- Meeting at 10am
- Home for rest, and how we cleaning
- Tonight- zen practice with the sangha.
Hopefully this doesn’t need to much editing since I can’t read the preview, lol. Cheers…