I’m panicking. During surgery they pump you with a crap load of fluids so I’m usually prepared for the high number on the scale. But then it goes down. This time though? It’s not going down! It’s just as high as the day of surgery. And now I’m in this recovery thing where I have to eat the calories but I can’t! I can’t stay at this weight, it’s so huge and heavy. I’m just going to have to risk losing my sponsors and friends, since they are both of those. 

I’m not going to be fat again and that’s exactly what I am now. Weeding at the farm helps but I don’t know how wise it is right after surgery but I’m going to have to go because I keep gaining from no activity. Since it was a failed surgery no harm can be done I think, just pain. Tomorrow morning I’ll go work at the farm and see how it goes. I have to either not eat or burn the extra calories. 

What a mess… I hate my life, it’s never easy. 

Any thoughts?

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