Being a bother, plain and simple

The two things I think I said the most when I was in the treatment program was, “I’m sorry,” and, “I don’t want to be a bother.” You see, I feel like I’m a bother to everyone, to life in general if you want to know. I feel like I’m an inconvenience, that I take […]

Forward & back in recovery

Questions: When did I start perceiving my body as the enemy? When did I objectify it and decide that it was something to be brought in line, tamed, punished, manipulated to look like something different than it was designed to look? When did I decide that it was better to simply not eat anymore? How […]

7 ½ hrs, holy crap!

Yes, you heard it… 7 ½ hrs! What am I talking about you ask? Sleep of course! I’ve been periodically getting more and more sleep (thank you med change) but this was shocking. However, this works out well with my plan today. Detour that will come back to my plans… Before I went into Sol […]


I’d used to think I was unique in my adverse reaction to change but as time went on I realized that not only was it a problem for me, it was a problem for nearly everyone who suffers from an eating disorder, and beyond that, people in general. It is a rare person who embraces […]

The anorexic brain

I rewatched this yesterday and cried. She gets it, she understands. She clearly shows how our brains work differently and why everything about eating is distressing. She has a wonderful way to demonstrate the noise in our head when we eat and what happens when we don’t. It’s only 18 minutes but the best 18 […]

I don’t want to be a might-have-been!

The following is my favorite poem. It’s short and quite simplistic but has quite a lot to say in my opinion. It’s dismissed by poets as being a simply ditty I suppose but I don’t care, I like it. It’s easy enough to memorize and thus far anyone who hears it likes it too. So […]

Diary log update, umm, hmmm

  I have this diary and am on year 4 of it. It has a question for each day and a couple of lines for each year to jot down a few words or sentence. I like that it restricts my thoughts to, well, a thought. I’m going to update the past week based on each days […]